Top 6 Worst Mistakes Men Make During Divorce

When faced with divorce you need to expect the worst. Any assumption that you are going to be treated fairly could lead to the ease of the exact opposite happening.

Many men have spent the initial few days after being told by their wife that she wants a divorce trying to salvage the marriage in some incredibly misguided ways all built around them trusting their spouse a little too much.

Others have allowed the situation to get the better of them and found themselves coming across as being a little unstable at the worst possible time.

To keep yourself from falling into that trap, check out these top 6 worst mistakes men make during divorce:

1. Being Too Passive

Getting served with a divorce is a traumatic experience. It is not uncommon for men to respond to this by shutting themselves off from the entire situation. It should go without saying that ignoring the problem will only make it worse, it gives your spouse the freedom to set the parameters of the divorce or even go as far as to push for a default judgment, which if you do not fight means she will get whatever she asks for in the divorce.

There may be times in life where laying down and not making a move is the smartest play to make, this is not one of those times.

Take Control of Your Divorce.

2. Paying All The Bills

Some men, to show their value or just to appear to be good or great men, will begin paying off their wife’s bills, her personal credit cards, and throwing money onto any shared debt that they have once the idea of divorce comes up.

In the economics section we’ll break down how the division of assets and debt works and why this is a bad idea but I wanted to put it up front as well.

I have seen far too many men try to “save” their marriage by throwing money at it. This has never worked, and it is a terrible precedent to set at the start of divorce proceedings.

3. Signing Away Your Life

This is an easy one, do not sign anything that you haven’t read thoroughly. Ideally both you and your legal council should carefully read any document given to you. This isn’t like signing a cell phone contract and then being upset when the price goes up in six months because you didn’t read the contract. No, this is more like: “why can’t I see my kids?” — “Because you signed them away.” Some men have, in-fact, signed away significant portions of their property as well as their rights in the first days or even hours of a divorce.

If your ex-to-be is a reasonable person, it is a good idea to work out a contract together. Establish how you would ideally like to divide your assets, debts, and parenting. If you want shared custody – get it in writing. And before you sign anything; ensure you have fully read the document, and make sure you get a respected third-party witness to sign the pages as well.

4. Sabotaging Yourself (Through Social Media)

Posting negative things about your future ex on social media, posting photos of you and other women, venting to friends, being seen places having a great time with other women – all these things that may make you feel great in the short term can easily be used to destroy you when the time comes.

Keep your feelings private, keep your new relationship quiet. Before you do something, consider how you would react if you and your wife switched places and she was the one doing that. Now take away any sense of reason or humility from that reaction and you have some idea of how she will react. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

5. Not Getting Rid of Sensitive Information

This is an important and often overlooked step. Simply put, once there is an official legal case against you, including divorce, it becomes illegal to destroy evidence. So any sensitive information you may not want exploited to your determent should be dealt with as soon as possible.

If you have a laptop or smart-phone that could have something on it, such as:

• Financial information you’d rather keep to yourself,
  
  
• Records of your correspondents with other women,
  
  
• If the device has been used to look at pornography (No, clearing your internet history does not remove every trace of this – and it can become an especially negative thing to have displayed to the judge if you are fighting for child custody, in a situation like this almost all pornography will be deemed to be “violent” or “misogynistic” in nature, regardless of your feelings on it) – The device should be wiped or even replaced. It will cost you less in the long run to throw out the old device and get a new one.
  

Now, if during the divorce you absolutely must continue doing something that will look bad – such as continuing said correspondence with other women – use a pay-as-you-go phone and only give the number to that individual. If it can be proved that you were committing adultery during your marriage the odds of you coming out of this divorce unscathed drop significantly.

6. Going Overboard

This last piece of advice is just a quick reminder that between you and your future ex you want to look the most sane. This sounds like common-sense but when faced with the possibility of losing his home, his friends, and even his own children many men take drastic action that can end up backfiring on them. For example, if you think your wife is cheating but don’t have proof you may begin spying on her. Unfortunately men who have done this have in many cases found themselves facing criminal charges.

There are a number of laws that protect people against being watched or recorded without their consent:

• The Federal Wiretapping Act
  
  
• The Electronic Communications Privacy Act
  
  
• The Stored Communications Act.

You could be charged under any number of these regulations, as well as face charges for inflicting “emotional distress” on her, or “defamation of [her] character” if you go public with the information you gather.

Now these laws are there to protect you as well but during a divorce it is always the best practice to go about any conversation with your wife as if it is being recorded. Choose your words carefully. Work on controlling your temper, if you lose it once you could lose the entire divorce.

End

Divorce can get ugly and its important to stay focused and not lose your cool. The worst mistakes men make during divorce tend to fall into either the ‘too passive and trusting’ category or the ‘too extreme and borderline crazy’ one. Keep these risks in mind and do your best to avoid the six mistakes gone over here and you are way ahead of most guys in this situation. Good luck.