Understanding Divorce

When looking at the laws and policies surrounding divorce today it is important to understand the context from which they were created. Divorce was at one time a forbidden practice that was only ever used as an absolute last resort. There had to be a serious reason in order for it to be granted.

This line of thinking is directly linked to the concept of a “fault” divorce today, some of the possible grounds for a fault divorce today are:

Adultery
Abuse / Cruel Treatment (this can be physical or emotional)
Desertion / Abandonment (specific length of time differs by region)
Incarceration (specified length of time differs by region)
Infected with Sexually Transmitted Disease
Impotence

One of the biggest changes to divorce-law in modern years began in the early 1970s with the introduction of the concept of a ‘no-fault’ divorce, in the simplest terms this gave people the ability to get divorced without it having to be anyone’s “fault”. You still need grounds to be granted a divorce under this legislation but they are much more lenient than in a fault-divorce:

Living Apart for a period of time (specific length differs by region)
Irreconcilable differences / the irremediable breakdown of marriage (this is basically a catch-all, if even one person in the marriage wants to get divorced then this requirement is essentially met).

All States currently have some form of no-fault divorce available, as do many nations including Australia, Canada, China, Mexico, Russia, Spain, Sweden, and other countries throughout Europe. Depending on your specific country there may be an additional requirement such as in Sweden where if one party does not want to get divorced, or if the couple has children under sixteen years of age there is a required “contemplation period” of 6-12 months before the divorce is finalized.

Some countries do not fall into this paradigm, for example the Philippines continues to deny divorce (of any kind) to the majority of its citizens and Chile only recently legalized divorce (in 2004).

Divorce law is different in every region and as with all legislation it is constantly changing. The important thing to take away from this is that; your divorce will most-likely fall under being either a ‘fault’ or a ‘no-fault’ divorce. If you’ve been served divorce papers you know which one you are being divorced under. If you are the one filing for divorce, you should have an idea of the reason you are divorcing this person.

If, based on the over-view of divorce given here, and your understanding of your relationship with your spouse you think your divorce is entirely mutual, what you should be doing right now is:

Get That in Writing.

Be polite. Say it’s just for paperwork or “lawyer-y” reasons to expedite the divorce process and have your future ex fully agree to the conditions you have in your head – right now – as the ideal way for this divorce to go.

This is only recommended in those rare cases where the divorce is fully mutual and you’re both putting on the “we’re still going to be friends” face. Ideally you would have this done before she’s taken meetings with lawyers or talked to friends about the divorce – all situations where her head will be filled with ideas on how to screw you over. If she has already met with legal counsel, a contract may simply put her guard up.

If this isn’t a friendly mutual divorce, or a late-annulment, then you need to realize these three things right now: