Should I Get Divorced?
“You can plan a pretty picnic but you can’t predict the weather.“
–
Andre 3000, from the song
Mrs. Jackson
When you got married, the idea of one day getting divorced was most likely not something on your mind, and yet here you are asking yourself “Should I Get Divorced?” Here we’ll go over the things you should consider when deciding if you are going to get pursue a divorce, including the benefits to being the first one to file for divorce.
If you’re in a situation where the divorce process has already been started, such as coming home from work to see that your wife cleared you out leaving nothing but the divorce papers taped to a wall, this section won’t be much help. Jump over to Understanding Divorce for help with that.
However, if you’re still currently married and are in the process of contemplating divorce, there are two key things you need to consider when making this decision.
- If you’re considering divorce, your wife is most likely ten steps ahead of you. Depending on your location women initiate between 68 and 72% of all divorces.
- There are numerous benefits to being the first one to file for divorce.
This is not meant to encourage you to take the decision lightly or to think of it as a race between you and your spouse. Deciding to get divorced or not is difficult, and if you think there is a chance you and your significant other can work out your differences then by all means go ahead try to fix what you have. But if this person is making you miserable, don’t expect them to magically change after you funnel a few grand or more into relationship counseling.
If you’re having trouble deciding, consider what you consider to be a ‘deal-breaker’ when it comes to a relationship, a few common ones are:
They Don’t Respect You – If your spouse belittles you in public or talks down to you like you’re a child, my advice is to get some dignity and either confront them about it, or end it.
They Cheated on You – A subset of not respecting you, or maybe just a symptom of it. If you want to be married so that you can financially support another guys’ girlfriend, go ahead. I’m sure he’ll thank you for it.
They Don’t Even Like You – At the risk of sounding crass, if it’s been over two months since you’ve gotten a blow-job, then I’m not sure why you didn’t file for divorce seven weeks ago. Sex is the physical expression of love, ‘denying sex’ or using sex as a tool to get you to do what they want or to buy them things isn’t a loving relationship, it’s having a live-in prostitute.
Whatever decision you end up making, make it soon. Not to rush you but the truth is you need to either get busy on trying to fix the problems with your marriage that led you to finding this article in the first place or you need to get busy planning out your upcoming divorce.
As mentioned, there are benefits to being the first person in a relationship to file for divorce, those benefits are:
- t gives you time to properly prepare. Complete financial records may be required during the divorce process and having the time to put together your financial records and ensure you aren’t missing anything is essential to having success in the divorce.
- You have time to set money aside to take care of you during the divorce (such as opening a personal checking account if you currently only have a joint account with your spouse).
- You get to decide under which State you want to file for divorce in. If you have homes in multiple States or work in one and reside in another you have the option to choose to file in one of these states. Divorce laws differ slightly from state to state with these ones being the best. Knowing your states divorce laws and choosing to file in the state which benefits you the most is a smart strategic move.
- If you file first for divorce that means you will get to be the first one to speak at a trial or hearing. This is far more advantageous than you may realize. Being the first one to speak gives you the judges’ undivided attention. You have the opportunity to lay the foundation for which the rest of the divorce will be played out against.
All things considered if you see divorce on the horizon and have the time to google ‘should I get divorced’ you’re one of the lucky ones. The guy coming home from work to find the locks changed and divorce-papers stuck to the front door is in a far worse situation, especially since he may literally have nowhere to go.
Refuges are usually only for women and children, men kicked out with no close friends or relatives are sleeping in their car. Try calling the police and all it takes is your wife saying she feels threatened by you and not only are you not getting to sleep in your home, you’re probably going to be spending the night in a cell.
Keep this in mind as you prepare for divorce: If at all possible put aside some emergency funds. One tip on how to do this without it being tracked is to get a cash advance when buying items such as groceries, the extra money will show up on your credit card statement simply as part of the original transaction. This takes time to build up a decent sized reserve of funds, but when the time comes the money can be used to help sustain you with hotel rooms and gas station food while you get back on your feet.
