Fathers Rights: Children and Custody

Fathers are heavily discriminated against by the family court system (if this wasn’t true then divorce involving children would result in join custody the vast majority of the time). Men seen as little more than a walking bank account with the idea that a father should have just as much right to be a parent to his own children as their mother seen as absurd with the entire fathers rights movement looked down upon by many. Because of this in the vast majority of divorce cases fathers are lucky if they get to spend even half as much time with their children as the mother does.

Instead it is more likely you’ll be made to pay “child support” payments which is money that doesn’t legally even have to be spent on the child so calling it “child support” when most of the money will likely end up being spent on junk for your ex to pamper herself with seems like a bit of misnomer.

Now, if you are looking for shared or full custody you need to make this clear early on, do not simply expect this to be something that will be offered. Again: in the vast majority of divorces custody is awarded to the mother and at best the man is allowed to see his children every other weekend.

Why Do Women Get Child Custody More Often Than Men?

One of the primary deciding factors for custody is the simple concept of doing ‘whats best for the children’ and what is best for the children is often considered to be what will cause the least amount of change. Judges will look to maintain whatever the status quo was for their lives prior to the divorce. This is why you should not move out of your home, because the minute you do that you have established a new status quo: she has the house and she has the kids.

When you get to court you do not want to be facing a situation where the ‘norm’ of your children’s lives is for them to be living with their mom and only seeing you whenever it’s convenient for her. This comes back to the concept of possession being 9/10s of the law, if you aren’t living in the house – it’s her house (even if you’re the one still paying for it), if you aren’t with your children at least as much or more than she is – they are now simply her children, and you’re just the guy who kind of looks like them and is expected to financially support them without getting to really be a parent to them.

This is the primary reason cited for why women get custody the majority of the time, they simply spend more time with the kids prior to the divorce so it would be the least amount of change for the children’s day-to-day lives for them to live with their mother.

How To Increase Your Chance of Getting Joint or Full Custody of Your Children

If you’re looking for joint-custody, or full-custody, you need to establish you having as much involvement in the lives of your children as possible. Figure out if you can be the one to drop them off and pick them up from school, soccer practice, dance classes, dentist and doctor appointments. Think about the people in your life who see you with your children and can fully attest to the fact that you are a good father.

It should go without saying that if you are looking for custody of your children it is imperative that you avoid the use of drugs and alcohol during this time. Absolutely not around your kids and ideally not in any way that can be readily seen by your ex (such as postings on social media).

If your wife does object to shared custody it is somewhat common for the court to order that you take a parenting class. This is understandably a bit insulting, you’ve been a parent for any number of years and now they are asking you, just you – not her, to take a class on being a parent, but it is important that you don’t react to this in anger.

If you lose your temper at something like this it will only hurt you, the odds are if your wife is blocking you from getting custody she’s having them suggest something like this as a means to get you to lose your temper and paint your as someone who is quick-to-anger and thus would make a bad parent.

Instead of falling into this trap, take it as an opportunity to show how good of a parent you are, register for the class as soon as possible and do your absolute best at it.

What To Do When Your Ex Already Has Custody

If your ex was awarded custody of your children this does not mean that you won’t be able to appeal that ruling in the future. Keep a journal record of the time you spend with your kids and of any occasion where you were denied access to your children for whatever reason. Your goal is to increase your involvement in your children’s lives enough that if you go back to court to try to get joint-custody you can use your level of involvement as an example of the new ‘status quo’.

The Importance of Journal Keeping (Tracking Your Time With Your Kids)

Even if you are not looking to increase your visitation or switch to having joint or full custody of your children a journal/record of the time you spend with them is still essential. Ex-wives have used the idea that men are not doing their agreed-upon share of parenting as a means to increase their child support payments, claiming that men aren’t showing up to visitations, etc. When you have a full record of the times you actually do spend with your children it can keep her from having child support amounts raised.

Keep Track of your Financial Situation

Another reason used by ex’s to justify having child support payment raised is that you have had a pay increase. It is very important if this happens that you go to court with your full financial summary. If you do not show up to court judges have been known to order an increase of child support based entirely on what your ex says you make – even if it is untrue.

As with your financial summary during the initial divorce your goal here is to show more expenses than income.

Keep in mind that while the general idea of child support is a noble one, the sad fact is that very little of that money is being spent on the child. Until regulations are put in place on how child support money is used it doesn’t make any sense to pay more than the absolute minimum and then spend your money on your children directly and when they are in your care.