“Do I Have a Cheating Spouse?”
Living with fear is an exhausting and painful strategy to exist. It’s practically not possible to be blissful once you’re at all times fearful and anxious. And when your fear is about whether or not you might have a dishonest partner it may be exponentially extra painful.
If you’re considering that your partner could also be dishonest, you’re additionally doubtless feeling very alone. After all, you may’t actually share your fears with the one one who’s speculated to be your closest confidant.
Every week at Guy Stuff we counsel couples coping with the issue of dishonest and the belief points that create the suspicion of dishonest.
Why You Might Wonder If Your Spouse Is Cheating
I’ve counseled couples struggling to answer the same question about when a spouse is cheating. Questionable behaviors can include flirtatious online “leisure” like your husband’s, as well as other behavior such as gawking at other women or flirting with them, looking at porn, social media or dating apps, or even swinging (sexual activities with other people).
Clearly you both feel different about what acceptable “leisure” is in your marriage.
Ultimately, the question of what defines a cheating spouse is one each couple has to reach for themselves. But to properly answer the question for yourself you’ve got to understand what’s being triggered for you that’s causing you to ask this question in the first place.
I hear 2 things you’re not getting enough of in your marriage due to your husband’s behavior:
It is my belief that your husband’s behavior does not show respect or love to you. It’s selfish and focused solely on his needs, not yours or the needs of your relationship. You deserve to be treated better. And, yes, I believe you have a cheating spouse.
At the end of your email, you state that you’re willing to compromise sexually to meet his wants and desires. Be careful not to take on too much responsibility for his behavior or believe that it’s driven by solely by something you’re not doing or could be doing differently.
Most often, looking for “leisure” outside the relationship has more to do with what’s going on internally for the person seeking it (self-identity, stress relief, etc.) than it does with what’s missing in the relationship.
A Word Of Caution If You Think You Have A Cheating Spouse
Carrie’s relationship has some clear red flags, and her worry is well founded, but these things aren’t proof. What they are, however, are clear signs that her marriage needs attention.
Before you determine on your own that you have a cheating spouse, I should caution you to really look at your own circumstances before you allow your suspicions to get the better of you.
Having a child like Carrie does, can bring changes in employment, sickness, depression, growing apart, and many other things that can leave a person feeling insecure and vulnerable. For instance, here’s an example of a problem I see regularly regarding sex after having a baby.
In these states it’s very easy to look for the worst and fit “signs” into your own narrative to support your suspicions.
To a certain degree if you are asking yourself if you have a cheating spouse, it doesn’t matter if you spouse is really cheating. The question and suspicions alone indicate that something is broken. So, if you can relate to Carrie in any way, it’s time for action.
