8 Powerful Divorce Deposition Tips
If you are in the midst of a truly adversarial divorce you can expect to be deposed and the result of a deposition can be devastating if you are not prepared for it but if you follow these eight divorce deposition tips you’ll be able to face this challenge head-on.
A deposition is a direct one on one with you and the opposing legal team, not unlike being cross-examined in a criminal hearing. Your wife’s attorney will ask you a series of questions and you are required to answer them under oath.
This deposition locks-in your testimony and if you change it even slightly in the future your wife’s attorney will use that as a means to tear you apart. For some men this process can feel like death by a thousand razors with each question cutting just a little until it’s all over.
Steps to successfully handle being deposed in a divorce hearing:
1. Prepare
While you can’t ever know the exact questions you are going to be asked, you can still prepare. In many ways it’s similar to preparing for a job interview, you don’t know what questions will be asked but you can still ready yourself to the best of your ability.
The interrogatory that you previously dealt with can give you an idea of the focus of the oppositions case against you. If the focus was on your finances then spend time going over them. Do not presume that you already know it all, you may be surprised by how specific the questions are regarding dates, amounts, etc. Not knowing the answer will reflect poorly on you and your case. If you have children, especially if they are under 16 years of age – you can most likely expect a lot of questions to be about them and your relationship with them. This is not the time to forget birth-dates or what grade they are in. Be prepared.
2. Practice
Consider what questions you will be asked and say the answer out-load, this will help you get more comfortable answering questions as well as help iron out some slips of speech (saying things like ‘uhhh’ or ‘like’ to fill space in sentences will make you come across as unprofessional and like you have to think about each answer rather than simply knowing the answer – court reporters are required by law to type out every audible sound you make, someone reading through your statement at a later date and seeing “um” may come to the conclusion that you had to pause and think really hard to figure out your son’s birthday).
To iron out these kinks, some men have their own attorney do a trial deposition for them as practice. This can help a great deal, especially if your career doesn’t give you a lot of public speaking opportunities.
3. Carefully Consider Your Choice of Words
As an offshoot of trying to avoid the use of “uhh” and “umm” to fill out your sentences, you also need to be careful about how you phrase certain things. For example if you are asked about a specific event from a few years ago such as “What were you doing on November 7th 2017?”, you may be tempted to simply say “I don’t know.”
The problem with this is that what you really mean is “I don’t recall / remember”, and during a deposition your statements need to be clear. Not remembering gives you the option of clarifying these statements at a later date once you’ve checked your calendar, etc.
Your word choice is extremely important, think of it as being questioned by police – you don’t want to leave your answers up to interpretation. You need to be clear. You could be facing very personal questions such as, “When did you start drinking?” or “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” – Whatever answer you choose, it needs to be clear.
4. Have Your Attorney Present
Without someone in your corner during the deposition process it may feel like you are being ganged up on and that you’ve already lost. By having your attorney there you have a support system available, one that knows the law and can object to any questions that they feel are illegal questions or are crossing the line into harassment.
5. Present the Best Version of Yourself
Keep your emotions in check and try not to allow questions to drive you to anger or sorrow, this is especially true if your wife’s case hinges on the idea that you are abusive or violent.
There is no denying that some of the questions asked will make your blood boil and feel accusatory in nature, do your best to hold your composure.
Between you and your wife you always want to appear the most in-control and calm. Try not to look shocked, surprised, or noticeably uncomfortable to any of the questions.
6. Don’t Allow Yourself to be Defeated
Many people share the idea that lawyers and police only ever ask questions they already know the answer to in a bold attempt to catch you in a lie or give you the chance to confess. You see this in cop movies and television shows all the time, the officer says something like “Tell me the truth, that’s what’s best for you” or “you know we already know what happened, but we want to hear it from you.”
The truth is, if the cop actually had conclusive evidence that you killed that guy in Reno they wouldn’t be pushing so hard for a confession or to learn the “why” of it all, police don’t have to prove motive and in real life most of them don’t care. The same thing with divorce depositions, don’t assume the lawyer knows the answer to the question just because they ask it in an authoritative and confident manner.
Think before answering the question and don’t allow them to psyche you into admitting to something they have no evidence of.
7. Never Offer-up Information You Weren’t Asked For
Don’t embellish answers and give them more information than they asked for. You aren’t speeding up the process by anticipating where the current line of questioning is going and answering it in advance, in fact you may be hurting yourself by revealing things they didn’t know about and weren’t going to ask about.
8. Control Your Tone
Following from the previous points on choosing your words carefully and presenting yourself in the best way possible, try to avoid answering questions in a way that can be seen as ‘cocky’ or ‘passive aggressive’.
This is tougher for some than it is for others, the best way to do it if you are unsure is to take a breath before answering each question and then simply answer it with no embellishments.
In Summary
Depositions can take up to seven hours depending on the extent of your divorce. In some cases depositions are spread across multiple days. They can be an exhausting and trying time for all involved. The important thing is to stay focused and remember not to allow yourself to be defeated by prematurely accepting defeat. Follow those tips above and take each question as it comes to you.
Due to their length, depositions are also an expensive venture. Things such as your personal attorneys hourly rate, an additional surcharge to cover the transcription of your statements, and the possibility that you may be one of the unlucky few who is paying both sides legal fees, this portion of the divorce could be exceptionally costly.
The reverse side to your deposition is that your wife will also be deposed. This entire grueling process will happen to her as well. So there’s that.
