The Truth About Alimony
“Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it ‘all the money,’ but they changed it to ‘alimony.’ It’s ripping your heart out through your wallet.”
– Robin Williams
Look, let’s be clear here: Alimony is morally reprehensible. It is a form of modern slavery where the labors of one individual are used for the benefit of another against the will of the laborer. It isn’t just men who feel this way, it’s anyone who ever actually looked at alimony for what it truly is.
Take novelist and screenwriter Karen McCullah for example, after 18 years of marriage she filed for divorce only to be faced with the shocking result of not only having to give her husband half of all the assets she had acquired during the marriage, but also having to pay him alimony. She responded with an understandable outrage saying, “There is no reason on this earth why you should be penalized for your success by having to continue to support an ex-husband.”
Well, Karen, I agree.
So does Steve Clark, he tried to a start a petition a few years ago to have alimony banned. He had recently had a terrible divorce experience which started bad and just kept getting worse. He and his wife both had successful careers, and so when she asked for a divorce he looked to have it handled quickly, with a full division of all their assets. When she inquired about alimony he was aghast, and recalls saying “with you making good money as a dental hygienist why do you feel you need alimony?”
“Because I gave you 24 years of my life” was her response.
Apparently she didn’t realize that he had also given her 24 years of his life, and unfortunately for him neither did the judge. Steve presented a copy of the California Employment Development Department showing that in the state of California the median income for a dental hygienist was approximately $100,000 per year. This was dismissed by the judge, and Steve was ordered to pay alimony.
There is no logic to it, the idea that the same standard of living should be kept makes no sense. The money an individual earns to support themselves is part of them, it’s the fruit of their labors. If you divorce them you leave that behind too. Despite this, alimony is here to stay and if you’re getting divorced you will probably be made to pay it.
Depending on where you live it may be called something other than alimony, such as; “maintenance”, “spousal support’, “spousal maintenance” or “ailment”.
Despite the broken logic behind it, it is based on the idea that whatever quality of life a person had during a marriage should be maintained after divorce. It is “financial restitution” paid from the higher earning spouse to their ex. If a marriage is considered to have been of “long duration” (lasting ten or more years) it is not uncommon for the higher-earning spouse to be sentenced by the court to pay alimony indefinitely.
In an attempt to secure high alimony (or significant child support payments) ex’s sometimes claim they are “unable” or “incapable” of working. In this situation you should ask the court to order a vocational abilities test. If your ex shows on the test that they are capable of doing any job the judge may lower alimony. This is not guaranteed though.
Some have attempted to lower their alimony payment by purposefully causing their income to drop drastically, unfortunately if the court finds that this drop in income was “intentional” (quit job, simply stopped making sales, etc.) then they may refuse to lower the alimony.
Unemployment, being in jail, or even being a prisoner of war are not considered excuses for not paying alimony. If you are a soldier, and you get captured behind enemy lines, in the event of your freedom you can look forward to being arrested for not paying alimony.
I could relay alimony horror stories to you all day, here’s another: Dr. Mark Tattersall, lost 70% of the marital assets in a 2011 divorce and now has to pay £1,070-a-month in personal maintenance to his ex (on-top of £600-a-month in child support), and it’s simply an impossibly high amount for him to pay. Even working 48 hours a week at the Hospital he simply does not make enough money. He tried to challenge the alimony settlement in 2013 but it was dismissed by the Court of Appeal. As of this writing he is trying again, I don’t have much hope for him but who knows.
It’s unlikely any big changes will happen to eradicate alimony anytime in the near future, but it is interesting seeing the reaction women have to being made to pay something that is traditionally a form of slavery reserved for men. In an article written for Elle magazine, Karen McCullah recalls her initial reaction to finding out her husband may be entitled to spousal support, she writes;
“When my divorce lawyer, Melanie, first told me that my ex was eligible for spousal support (the new way of saying alimony), I replied, “There’s no way he would ever ask for that. That would be such a pussy move.” She shook her head, looked at me across her desk, and said, “Every woman who’s sat in that chair has said the same thing. Get ready, because he’s going to ask for it.”
Still, if you are in the very uncommon position of being a man with the opportunity to ask for spousal support, I suggest doing it. I don’t mean that as a way of hurting your ex, and I personally still don’t agree with alimony but I feel nothing will change unless women are also hurt by it. For whatever reason, empathy isn’t a common element in a woman’s personality.
That is the only way I can explain things such as the ‘I gave you 24 years of my life’ statement, how could someone be so ignorant to another persons’ life, especially someone they claimed at one time to love? Even McCullah’s response to the possibility of her husband asking for alimony is ripe with a lack of being able to see things from another individuals points of view, ‘that’d be such a pussy move’ she said. Had the situation been reversed would McCullah have turned down her chance at alimony?
It’s doubtful, the owners of slaves are unlikely to be against slavery and I’d estimate that the number of women who turn down collecting alimony for moral reasons is a very very small group.
The California petition to end Alimony is here; Alimony Reform Petition – it hasn’t gained much traction. Still, better days ahead.
Some final points to keep in mind:
- Ensure that you are able to account for any alimony payments that you make, it’s not uncommon for Spouses who are paid directly to simply not report that amount or acknowledge it as support leading you to possibly having to pay it twice. To avoid this, don’t pay the alimony directly. Instead, have the payments go through a bank or other institution of that kind.
- Finally, try to get the best possible payment option in the initial divorce. Modifying alimony or child-support payments requires there to be a significant change in circumstances. See our article on The Negotiation Process to learn more about getting the best deal possible in the initial divorce.
